Too much

Normally writing helps me feel better but I think this time it might fail me. Nothing is making me feel better at this point, probably because I've never felt so fucking low in my entire life & to be honest I really don't know why i feel like this. I've been extra drunk before and embarrassed myself so that shouldn't be bothering me and truth be told the way things have ended up with him is actually the way i wanted things to end up and I've come to terms with the fact that I might be losing a few "friends" here. So I don't know why I feel like this. I can't figure out this feeling that's been bothering me all day, I don't even know if it has a name, but its making life rougher then it needs to be. It's causing me to think too much, and that is never a good thing for me. In the past thinking has brought me only to more problems. And to top it off its raining just to rub it in my face. These lights I'm surrounded by are showing me all the opportunites out there, whispering to me about everything good in this city. But i choose to sit in my apartment and let this single fenêtre block out everything.

I still don't feel much better, but I really fucking wish you were here.