So dysfunctional

Normally I wouldn't have it this way, but it was dark. He sat there, at a slant, maybe so I couldn't see the expressions on his face, but I'm sure it wasn't purposly, just something we had both become accustomed to. We rarely looked at eachother if at all. He sat there, with the joint just barely being clasped by his thumb and index but with help from his middle. The smoke rose and the ashes fell and i was so used to it that it barely bothered me.

I could tell he didn't give two shits about what i had to say, but at least we were talking. Well I was talking and I wish he would respond but he never did. He never does. I always wondered what he thought about when the silence hit the room. Was it me? Was it her? Was it the weed or the drinks or maybe a way to get out of this coalition? I don't know and I guess I never will.

I felt so senseless around him. He would look at me as if he had something to say or confess, but never did. I always waited for the moment when everything would just fall out. But it never did. So i sat there and thought about my life and his life and if this was right. Was it? No i honestly don't think it was but it was different. And for some abnormal reason, I was attracted to different.

Honestly,

I didn't know it was going to hurt this bad. I didn't even know I cared this much. Turns out, its does. But at least now I know what love is, and maybe I'll recognize it next time it comes around.. if it ever does.

I thought about you two, together. And right there my heart stopped. And then I thought about you two, together, continuously.. while I thought nothing of it this whole time. And I couldn't even breathe.

That's really all there is to it. I don't eat nor do i sleep. And if I do sleep, it's bad sleep.. cause I have to lay in that bed where I always used to lay with you and its hard. I just want you to know that it's incredibly hard.

Asleep

I hate having priorities. I just wanna do what I wanna do. Like, maybe just lay down with him and read. Sounds like a bloody good evening. :]]]]]]]

Different day, Same ol' shit.

With a slight twist.

Begin to rewrite me

Humdililah allah jahova yaweh dios maat ja rastafara fyah dance sex music hip hop.



I have so much on my mind, but can't seem to put it in words.

HEY you.

Your fucking stupid. Honestly you think breaking up other people's relationships will benefit you in the end ? It won't, because I know you. Your just one of those poeple that hides their emotions but when its too late, they sabatoge to get things back to the way they were. Even if it was just a little crush that was going nowhere.. maybe just maybe you could have made it work out for you. But your dumb and inconsiderate and you need to focus on your own problems and your own damn life. Who the HELL do you think you are.. no, I can't believe you even had the nerve to ask him to do that. Your fucking dumb, he doesn't like you, get over it. Now to be completely honest, I'm looking out for you. I know you, and I know the games you play. I know that you try to sneak in to the other side and try to spit your game. I KNOW YOU. And just knowing that alone, you should know your not getting anywhere with this one. But on a different note, what if it did work out for you ? How would you feel about yourself, how many new enemies will you have gained ? Is it really worth it to come up on something that you had to force feelings into ? Would it last very long ? Or are you just looking for a quick one-nighter.. or in your case a quick couple-weeker. Just to build you up and send you fucking CRASHING down like they always do ? But I'll let you think about that one ! So have fun with your little comments, requests, homework help, library time, quick rides, making a fool of your self, and fucking up like you always do. Becuase if you read this and decide to call me the bitch.. I'd like you to take a step back and just recall the things you've said and what your trying to do. Then we'll see who the bitch is.