Since I got my password right on just the second try, I think, maybe, I might start posting on here again. I mean, tumblr is cool and all but sometimes I like knowing that I can write something and no one, well most likely, no one will see it. Maybe I'll look into getting a camera and showing you my life or something, for once ha.

Monday Evenings

When I am confronted by a pair of unfamiliar eyes; strange eyes, I panic.
I immediately look else where trying to avoid this moment until I realize
the only reason I get so alarmed is that I am afraid
that in those brief seconds someone will have the opportunity
to look directly into my eyes and with my guard down,
be able to see who I really am.

a thought

I cannot remember your lips.
I cannot remember your eyes.
I cannot remember your face.
I cannot see you, but I can picture you.

I'm not as cool as you.
My friends aren't as down as yours.
My parents don't make as much money as yours do.
I probably smoke and chill more then you do.
And you probably do more drugs and rage than I.
My clothes aren't as cute as yours,
And the car I drive is 10 years older then yours probably is.

It bugged me before, but then I realized I wasn't put on this earth to try and replicate your lifestyle, so I'm learning; that's what college is for right?
Figuring yourself out.

fog city

I woke up this morning to tears running down my face and black smudges on my pillow and my sleeves. I still had the taste of nicotine on my breath from the night before when we stood out on the fire escape and talked about things we hadn't talked about to anyone since we moved up to San Francisco. Our talk consisted of our futures, our pasts, our parents, drugs, depression, and cigarettes. This nicotine is making me nauseous, but i fear the mint from the toothpaste will also make me nauseous. Everything is making me nauseous.

Langston Hughes

Smoke that,
For all the young folks and the old farts.
For the sheltered kids and the judgmental adults.
For the crooked pigs and the racists.
The communists, democrats, socialists, republicans, and the anarchists.
Smoke that for all those who won't have the privilege to reach the heights that you can now touch with your graceful hand.
While your at it, go ahead and take a sip of that right there too.

Heartbreaker

I wasn't myself on that night. That night when I decided it was okay to embrace every pink, luscious pair of lips i came into contact with. I knew every face those lips belonged to and it wasn't the first time mine had come into contact with them, but when did it become okay to get every piece of ass you want? When did kissing a boy become as easy a task as asking someone their name? It really shouldn't be this easy but then again these boys weren't much of challenge on that warm summer night. That night when our hormones were raging with the fear that we might not ever see each other again so our wildest dreams of infatuation had to come true before we had to depart. I had just begun to drink and he had a curfew so we did what we could with the little bit of time we were given. He asked me if I wanted to go to my car and I thought it absurd at first that a boy asked me to go to my car but then i forgot about the sense it lacked at answered with a "yes, i do." As we walked down the street he held my hand as if we had been together for months. It was strange but then the way he kissed me the second i walked into the party was strange too so I decided not to question its nature.

When we reached my car I clicked the unlock button twice and he opened the back door. How chivalrous of him I thought at first but then my gut corrected interrupted my thinking and reminded me of how dumb I really had become. I stepped in the backseat first and he swiftly followed as if he'd been playing out this moment over and over in his mind. I slid over on the seat and sat up against the opposite door. He knelt on hands and knees and kissed me. The kisses were sweet but the feelings were bitter. I had feelings for this boy but even I was surprised that we had actually gotten to this point. The kisses got rougher and rougher so even I knew what was about to happen. He held my neck with his right hand letting me know that he knew exactly what he was about to do to me and that this wasn't his first time doing it. He slid his hands down to take off my shirt. Now i understood exactly what was going on so i decided to take his off too. He was an athlete and his body was no disappointment. In that same moment he looked at me as if his eyes were trying to tell me something that he didn't have enough strength to say with his words and he kissed me hard. So hard and with so much passion a chill went up my spine and violently shook my entire body. I grabbed the sides of his face and kissed him back just as hard. Without a second of hesitation we were almost completely bare. I was as naked as I was the day I was brought into the world but he kept on his pants. Fuck me he was gorgeous. The way the streetlight shone on his face through my fogged windows made his golden brown skin glow something beautiful.